If I am not for myself,
Who will be for me?
And if I am not for others,
What am I?
And if not now, when?
I come upon this while going through the book The Writer on the Hill – The very best of Ruskin Bond. He shares these words from an ancient sage and I find myself in deep thought.
The thing is I love her and am addicted to the fact that I can’t let go of her. No matter what I do, I still long for her. It’s been a while since I talked to her but her memory still remains crisp in me. Her features are embossed in me and I can never erase them.
So this quote intrigues me. I have to be there for myself as well as for others. Now. But given a choice between them, which side should I take. Should I go after the other person: who has influenced me to be a person that I would have never been else, or should I be there for myself, for me, for the one person who I have grown up with. With whom I have lived my childhood and have all the memories and experiences.
I am in a fix here. My mind grows restless thinking about it. My mobile beeps, whatsapp has a message for me and I pick it up to come across a thought shared by a good friend of mine.
In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.
Buddha came up with this quote on life and it surely adds to the confusion created in me by my previous thought. If I try to answer that question keeping in you this thought, then surely I mean the world for me. I live for myself and it is with this preposition that I will grow old and finally rest in my grave. So I should let go of the things not meant for me right. And in that case, she can come in that category.
But can I do that. Will I be able to digest it when the time comes? Will there be grace or will chaos rule and send me sprawling to the deepest chasms of hurt, hate and loss.
Time for a peg of scotch I guess.